Thank you for all the doubts and all the questioning

I’ve been trying to re-embrace the 40K hobby recently. Since having my son, it’s been the part of me that has suffered the most. I know when we have children we have to let go of some parts of ourselves to make way for them and their needs – and for the most part I can’t even say that I’m sorry for having let this side of me slide away.

And then someone or something comes along and tells you ‘This is still awesome’ and you get inspired. You want to try and get ‘back into’ a something that you once enjoyed, lived and loved. For me this came in a couple of forms. The first being at my Sisters Wedding recently and having a friend ask me;

‘Why haven’t you set the Inquisition on your sister yet?’

You see, my sister has a Chaos Star tattooed on her back, which is all sorts of damned heresy that makes my blood boil – I really need that Aquilla doing to counter act her heresy – but the fact that I was reminded that ‘You are a Space Marine Chaplain’ had a harder impact that I thought it would do.

So. Here I am no. And, just look at that blog post title.

I don’t have much faith in my abilities anymore. Mostly because I was utterly lost with everything that involved Space Marines and Chapter Companies and where I was with my model collection.

So I got all my Marines out and put them on the table to see if everything made sense. I then went out and brought the most up-to-date Codex for the Adeptus Astartes. Seems somehow I had even missed that step also.

It helped. I more or less know where I am at and my next steps in purchases to make the company complete; but before I put my hands in my pockets I have a bit of painting to get done.

Yet, as I said earlier, I don’t feel like this is enough to keep me interested in the hobby as a whole. I’ve done a lot with my own Chapter before now and I am pretty pleased with their history; I’m no author and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to write a story about them and their glorious deeds – but if you wanted to know their heritage and about any notable characters I could tell you. Put all that aside for a moment. Let’s see what else I can do.

I can draw. Not perfectly and I have struggled more than once that my art style doesn’t reflect my hobbies. Who wants to see cartoon styled beefy men with big heads? Well, for one, I do. I’ve drawn Warhammer 40K before, so why not go for it again? Why not combine all my fun fangirly stuff with my art again?

I’ve got a sketch started already of one of the Primarchs which I am actually excited about finishing up and sharing. So, when I get a bit of computer & art time, I’ll be lining it up and sharing. But for now, the child is awake again and I’d better go get some lunch ready~

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